B1RAKK 0HBAMMA: H00PS AND CHANJE

HAY D00DS!!1!1!!!! AS Y00 ARR AWAYRE 1 EM N0T VEREY 1NTR1ST1D 1N N00Z, 0RR CURRINT EVENTS, 0R ANY 0F THAT ST00P1D B00RING SH1ZZ. 1 K0NSENTRAYTE M0ASTLEY 0N THA THREE M0AST 1MP00RT1NT JAWNS 0F LYFE: CH1X, B00Z, AND K0MB0ZE. BUT PURHAPS S0RPR1ZINGLEY, 1 EM VEREY 1NT00 POL1T1IX, BEKAWZE 1 TH1NK THAT 1T 1S THA R1SP0NS1B1ILITEY 0F EVREY AMAER1KAN T00 PART1S1PAYTE 1N GUBERNM1NT. AS NEEL PATR1K HARR1S 0NSE SED T00 0WR FERST PREZIDENT, AYBRAHAMM L1NKUN, "N0 TAKSAT10N W1TH0WT EJAKULAYSHUN!!!1!!!" AND 1 DEF1N1TLEEY BELEAVE STR0NJLY 1N THAT MESSUJE, EV1N TH0 1 HAV N0 F0KK1NG KL00 WUT 1T MEENZ.

S0 W1TH THAT MESSUJE 1N M1ND, T0DAYY 1 EM REFLEKT1NJ 0N A VEREY 1MP00RT1NT DAYY 1N 0WR KUNTREY'S H1ST0REY: T0M0RR0WE'S ELEKSHUN 0F BIRAK 0HBAMMA AS 0WR NEKST PREZZ. TH1S 1S A VEREY 1MP0RTINT 0KKAS10N. WE W1LLL HAV 0WR FERST N0N-D00SHBAGG PREZZ 1N L1KE 273592183 YEERZ!!1!!!!!1 LETS KALL A SPAYDE A SPAYDE - THA LAST D00D WUZ K1ND 0F A D1K. H1S DAWTURS WUR 0KAYY (1 W00D H1T THAT G1V1N THA 0PP00RT00NITEEY) BUT THATS ALL HE HAD G01N F0R H1M. N0T K1D1NJ.

0N THA UTHUR HAND, M1STUR 0HBAMMA SEAMZ L1KE A PRITTEY K00L D00D. HEE G0T ELEKTED TAULK1N AB0WT H00PS AND CHANJE, W1CH THA V0TURS REELEE L1KED AL0T. 1T S0WNDS L1KE H1S PLANZ ARR T00 PLAYY H00PS, AND THENN BYE K0MB0ZE W1TH THA CHANJE. N0T TH0ZE ST00P1D KRAKKUR K0MB0ZE 0R THA 0NES THAT ARR SUP0ZED T00 BEE L1KE T0RTEEYAS 0R SUM SH1T, BUT THE REEL K0MB0ZE, THA 0NES 0WR F00R FATHURS AYTE: PRETSEL K0MB0ZE. THA JENYU1NE ARTIKUL. TH1S AWT0MATIKALLY MAYKES H1M A GRATE MANNN, AND AN EV1N BETTUR PREZIDENT.

1 F00RSEE PREZIDENT 0HBAMMA'S TEN YEERZ 1N 0FF1SS AS FULL 0F H00PS AND K0MB0ZE, 0FFIN AT THA SAYME TYME, PLUS SUM GUD GUBURN1NJ. 1 BELEAVE MISTUR 0HBAMMA W1LL L1SS1N T00 THA PEEPUL AND G1V THEM WUT THAY WUNT. F0R EGZAMPULL, HE W1LL EL1M1NAYTE ALLL TAKSES. HEE W1LL KURE D1ZEASES L1KE KANSUR AND D1YARREEYA. AND HEE W1LL N0T G1V MUNNY T00 R1CH D00DS AND SKR00 THA P00R D00DS. HE W1LL G1V EQWUL AM0WNTS 0F K0MB0ZE AND CHANJE T00 ALL. TH1S 1S H1S DREEM F0R AMERIKA.

S0 D00DS, J0YN W1TH MEE T0DAYY AND RAYZE A 4O TO M1STUR 0HBAMMA AS WEE GIT REDDY F0R H1M T0 G1T ELEKTUD AS 0WR 1261TH PREZIDENT. AND WYLE YER AT 1T P00R A LITTUL ON THA GR0WND F0R MY H0MEEZ. S0 DURINJ THA ELEKSHUN T0M0R0WE, J0ST RIMEMBUR, 1N THA WERDS 0F BENJAMYN JEFERSUN (AWTHUR 0F THA DEKLARAYSHUN 0F K0NSTIT00SHUN, AND 0WNUR 0F A DRYE KLEENUR B1ZNISS): WEE 0N F00R PEEPULS, BUY SUM PEEPULS, AND LUV THA PEEPULS. THANX D00DS.

HAY D00DS AND D00DETTYS!!! HAPPEE H00L1DAYZE AND, MERREE KRUTSMASS, KWANZAH AND AWL THAT!!!!!

WELL 1TS BEEN A LONJ TYME S1NSE WEEVE UPDAYTED THE S00PORBL0J. S0 WUT BETTUR WAYE T0 D0 1T THAN W1TH A SPESHUL KRISTMUSS EDISHUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EACH YEER, 1 ALWAYZ MAYK 1T A P0YNT T0 RYTE S0ME N00 YEERS RES0LUSHUYNS, MAYK SPESHUL KRISTMUSS K0MB0E K00K1ES ( 0F KOURRSS EXTRAH CHEEZEEY 1N GINGURBRED SHAYPS!!!!!!!!), AND RYTE S0ME KRISTMUSS MUZZIK. I H0AP EVERY0NE GETS WUT THEY WANT TH1S YEER!!!!! HAHAAHHAHAAHHAAHAH THPTHPTHPTHPTHTPHTTPHTPTHTPHTPTHP!!!!!!!!!!

S0 HEEERS A FEW S0NJS 1 ROAT..W1TH A SAMPLE 0F THE LYRIKCSS!!!!!! S0ME ARE 1NSPYRED BY GRATE S0NJS SUM ARE 0R1GINALS

"DEKK MY BALLZ!!!!!!" HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAH (FAL ALALALALAALALLALALALALGHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHH!!)
"FEED THA WURLD" ( LET THEM KN0E 1TS KOMB0E TYME!!!!)
"LAST KRISTMUSS" ( 1 GAVE Y00 MY PHARTS, BUT THE VERY NECKTS DAYE, YOU GAYVE THEM AWAY!!!!!!!)
"MY NUTZ R0AST1NJ 0N AN 0PUN FYRE!!!"(0WTCH THAT ACTUALEE S0WNDS PAYNFULL)
LITTLE PHARTER BOY!!!! AHHHAH ( 0000 THEY T0LD ME BU RUMP PUM PUM HTPTHPHTPHTPHPHPTHPTHTPT!!!!!!!!! ME AND MY HTPTHPTHTPHPTHTPHTTPH!!!!!!)

"A K0LD 4O, AND RAPP1NG PAPURD"
"STOKIING STUFFURS" (Y00ZE Y00R 1MAJINANT1ON..AHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAAHAH TTPHPHPPTHPHPHTPTHTHTPHTPTHPTHTPTHTPHTP!!!)
AND LAST BUT N0T LEEST
"BL00 BALLZ KR1STMUSS" AHAHAHAHAHAAHAH!!!!!!!!!! ("1LL HAVE A BL000, BALLZ, KRUSTMUSS, W1TH0WT Y000!!!!!!"

WELL 1 D0 H0AP Y00 HAVE A GUD KRISTUMMUSS AND ALL THAT. GREGG W1LL UPDAYT Y00 0N H1S ST0REE AND WHYE 1TS BEEN S0 L0NJ S1NSE WEE'VE POASTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHHAHAH.

BE SAYF, EET K0MB0ES, AND DR1NK 4OS LYKE Y00SYUAL!!!!

NEXT ED1SHUN, H0LIDAY RESSIPEES !@!!!!! !!!(!!(!(!!*(!*!(!*!(!*(!*!(!*!!!!

S0ME THAWTES THPTHTPTHTHTPHHPTHP!!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH

HUY EVERY0NE, WELL 0NSE AGANE 1TS BEEN FAR T00 LONJ. I WANTUD TO UPDAYT EVERY0NE 0N THEJNJS HEER AT SOOPURBLOJ BETWEEN GREGG AND ER1CK AND 0VERALL, AS ALWAYZ 0FFUR INTELLIJUNT ADV1SE TO ANY0NE H00 MYTE NEED 1T!!! HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT K1D1NG!!!!!!!

S0 1TS N0WE MAYE AND MAN LET ME TELL Y00, GURLS SEEM TO J0ST TAYK 1T ALL 0FF. SOMETYMES WUN 1 AM THE SUBWAYE, 1 FIND 1T VERY HARDD T0 KONTROLL MYSELF!!!! GHAGAGAGAAGAGAG!! GURLS SEEMS T0 J0ST L1KE THE WARE N0TH1NJ!!!!! HAHAHAAHH ANYWAYE., THATS N0T A BAD TH1NJ, BUT SOMETYMES WUN 1T 1T H0T, 1 SWET A L0T ESPECHUSLLY 1F 1 HAVE BEEN DR1INKING 4OS!!!!!!!!!! BEEER MAYKS Y00 SWET, PHART, AND P1SS NO DOWT HAHAHAHAHAH!!!! KOMB0ES J0ST RE1LLY MAYK 1T G0 AWAY THOUGH, ESPECHUSLLY THE PYZZA FLAVOURD. N0T MUCH HAS CHANJED HEER AT THE SOOPPURBLOJ, 4OS AND KOMBOES ARE THE N0RM, GREGG W1LL ATTEST TO THAT FACKT.

SO W1TH0WT FORTHUR D00, 1 WANT TO DROP SUM RYMES FOR THE SPRINJ. I HOAP Y00 FYND MY LYRIKS PROF0WND AND MEENINJFUL, SOME PEEPLE HAVE SAYD ALREDY THAT THEY ARE..AND THESE PEEPLE D0NT F0KK AR0WND!!!! HWJAKFSHASK!!!!!!!!!!!

1TS KALLED "CH0AD TO SPRINJ"

WUN 1 WALK 0WTSYDE
1 SEE THE GREEN POLLUN
1TS A SYN OF SPRINJ
HUY MAN I D0NT LOOK LIKE GOLLEM!!!!!!!!!

SWET DROPSS 0FF 0F MY FOARHED
GURLS L1KE D00DS THAT SWET
BEKAWSE THEY GET
THE FAKT
THAT 1M A REEL D00D AND MEEN BYZNESS!!!!!!!!!!

3 OR 4 PARES 0F UNDERWARE A DAY
1S ALL 1LL SAYE.
OLD ENGLISHE PLEASE G1T ME A LAYE
SECKS 1S THE BEST

BABYEE LETS G0T0 MY KAR
BEKAUSE Y00 ARE THE BEST
KOMBOEES Y00 BEET
ALL THE REST (THPTHPTHPHTPPH!!!!!)

SO HAY LADYEES TA1K 1T ALL 0FF
FOR ERICK T0 SEE
1 LIKE CH1KKS A L0T
DAMN 1 WANT SUM TATURD T0TS

I HOPA YOO LYKE MY POUM HAHAHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! DONT HESYTATE T0 RYTE!!!!!!

SPR1NJ HAS ARRYVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HEY D00DS AND D00DETTUES, S0RREE 1TS BEEN S0 L0NJ BUT 1TS BEEN A KRAZEE YEER!!!! HAHAAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHAHA N0T K1D1NG. WELL 1TS SPRNJ TYME N0WE S0 ALM0ST TYME FOR HOT CH1KKS TO START WAR1NJ NOTH1NJ AGANE AND 1 KAN DR1NK MY 4OS 0WTSYDE W1TH0WT THE BEER T0RNINJ T0 1SE!!!!!

WELL T0 STARTE TH1NJS 0FF, MY 0LD JOBB SAYD THAT 1 WAS FOKKING UP B1GTYME AND THEY FYRED MEE HAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA S0 THAT WAS AWESUYM. I QUESS 1 HAD T00 MANY LEFT0VER 4OS 1N THE FR1DJE AT WERKE AND THEY F0WND 0W THAY WERE MYNE HAHAHAAHAHHAHAH!~!!!! 1 ACTUALLEE THREW A KOMP00TUR 0WT THE W1ND0WE AFTER THEY FYRED ME S1NSE AT THAT POYNT H00 KAYRS Y00 KNOWE!!!!!!>!???!?!?! S0 YAH 1 HAVENT HAD 1NTERNET ACKSESS FOR A WYLE HENSE MY NON SOOPURBLOJ ENTREES!! SO YAH N0W 1 EM JUST WEELINJ AND DEEL1NJ TO GET BY AND 1 HAVE INTERNUT AGANE SO 1TS ALL GUD!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1 HOPE EVERY0NE 0WT THARE 1S HAV1NJ A GRATE O8, HAY THAT RYMES!!! THPTHTPTHPTHPTHTPTHTPTHTPTHPTHPTHPHPTHPH!

SO THARES ALS0E S0METH1NJ THAT 1 WANNA BR1NJ UPP. 1 L1VE 1N N00 Y0RK AND IM SH00RE EVERY0NE HEERD AB0WT THE G0VERN0RS HOOKURS!! HAHAHAHAHAHAH WELL YAH 1T T0RNS 0WT HE SPENT WAYEE T00 MUCH MUNNY 0N THAT. 1 HEERD HE SPENT L1KE 203929038390489023849012839012381290 DOLLURS ON A FEW 0F THEM W1TH TACS M0NEEY AND THATS PRETTY F0KKUD UP!!. AT LEEST 1F Y00 GET BETTER PR1SED HOOKURS Y00 D0NT SPEND AS MUCH 0F MY HARD ERNED KOYNE!!!!!! ALL THE HUKKURS THAT 1VE G0T HAVE ONLEE BEEN 634 SENTS A SESSHUN, GRANUTED THAY WUR PRETTY H1T BUT WUTEVURD!!!! SO HAY SPISTURD..EFF Y00!!!!! HAAHHHHHAAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA. NOW WE HAVE A N00 G0VURN0RD 0R S0ME SH1T H00 KANT SEE THAT WELL, BUT 1 HEER HE'S G00D S0 1TS ALL GUD 1 QUESS. I DONT EVEN KN0WE H1S NAYM.

STAY T00NED F0R M00RE FREKWENT UPDAYTS. IVE RESSEVUD TUNS 0F FAN MALE ASK1NJ WARE SOOPURBLOJ WENT, BUT FEER N0T 1T HAS RET0RNED AND 1T WILL BE BIIJJUR, BETTURD, AND STRONGURD THAN EVUR !!

P0L1T1X W1TH GREGG - THA 1MP0RTANSE 0F V0ATING

HAY EVERYB0DDEEY. T0DAYY 1 EM G0NNA TAULK AB0WT P0L1T1X. EVUR S1NSE MY RUN-1NN W1TH THA LAWW, 1 HAV B1N TH1NKIN A L0TT AB0WT 0WR GRATE KUNTREY, AND MY R0AL 1N 1T. TH1S 1S ST0FF 1 HAV NEVUR REELEE K0NSIDURD BEF00R. 1 V0ATED 1N THA LAST ELEKSHUN, BUT 0NLEY BEKAWZE THA V0TUR REJISTRASHUN CHIK WUZ H0T, AND T0ALD MEE THAT V0ATINJ WUZ L1KE PLAYIN A REELEE K00L VIDEY0 GAYME (W1CH, BY THA WAYY, 1S T0TULLEY N0T TR00 - 1 PRESSD SUM BUTUNZ BUT 1T WUZINT ANNY FUN AT ALL). BUT W1TH THA NEKST ELEKSHUN K0MINJ UPP F0R PREZIDENT 1 EM AKSH00ALEY G0NNA PIK A KANDIDIT, AND THEN 1 W1LL V0AT F0R THEMM.

A LITTUL HISTUREY: 0WR KUNTREY WUZ F0WNDED A FYEW TH0WZIND YEERZ AG0E 0N THA IDEYA 0F H0ALDINJ ELEKSHUNS. N0B0DEE HAD HURD 0F AN ELEKSHUN BEF00R TH1S. THA WERD WUZINT EVIN 1N THA DIKSHUNAREY. WEN 0WR F00R FATHURS (D00DS L1KE WASHINGTUN, KENEDEY, JEEZUS, AND D1ZNEEY) R0AT THA DEKLARASHUN 0F K0NST1T00SHUN (WICH 1S L1KE THA B1BULL, BUT LESS RILIJUSS), THAY DES1DED THAT THA PEEPUL W00D GIT T00GETHUR AND DESYDE H00 W00D MAYKE THA LAWZ AND ST0FF. AND TH1S PURSUN W00D ALS0E GIT THA M0AST CHIKS, AND W00D GIT LAYED ALL THA FREEKIN TYME. TH1S PART WUZ N0T RITTIN D0UN, BUT 1T WUZ UNDURSTUD.

S0 N0WW, T0DAYY, WEE V0AT F0R 0WR LEEDURZ. THA M0AST 1MP00RTINT LEEDUR 1S THA PREZIDENT. TH1S 1S A D00D H00 1S L1KE THA KING 0F THA UNYTID STAYTES, AND HEE 1S A T0TULL PLAYUR. THA KURINT PREZIDENT 1S K1ND 0F A DIKWADD, BUT THA LAST D00D, B1LL KLINGON, WUZ T0TULLEY K00L. HEE G0T CHIKS LEFT AND RYTE. HE EVIN PUT A SIGAR UP SUM CHIKS K00CH!!!!! 1 TOTULLEY RISPEKTED PREZIDENT KL1NG0N.

TH1S TYME WEE HAV A B0NCH 0F D00DS RUNNINJ F0R THA PREZIDENT G1GG. THAY ARR BR0AKIN 1NT00 T00 0F THA LAMEST PARTEEZ EVUR: THA DUM0KRATS AND THA RETURDLIKANS. 1 D0NT EVIN KN0WE WYE THAY ARR KALLED PARTEEZ, BEKAWSE FRUM WUT 1 CAN SEA, THAY ARR N0 FUNN. N0 0ALD EE, N0 K0MB0ZE, N0T THAT MANEY CHIKS. SHITTEY PARTEEZ.

ANNWYAYY, THA RETUDLIKAN KANIDATES ARR ALL 0ALD WYTE GYEZ, N0T K00L AT ALL. THA KURINT PREZIDENT 1S AN 0ALD WYTE RETUDLIKUN, AND HEE 1S A T0TULL ASSHAT. 1 W1LLL N0T V0AT F0R 0ALD WYTE RETUDLIKANS!!! TH1S 1S MY RYTE AS AN AMERIKUN. 0N THA UTHUR HAND, THA DUM0KRATS HAV A KUPPUL 0F 1NTURETINJ KANIDATES. FERST 1S HILUREY KL1NG0N. SHEE 1S B1LL KL1NG0NS MUTHUR, AND 1F SHEE WINZ, WEE W1LL SEA B1LL BAK 1N THA N00Z ALL THA TYME. TH1S 1S GUD, BEKAWSE HEE 1S A TOTULLEY K00L D00D. H0WEVUR, 1NSPYTE 0F TH1S, 1 D00 N0T TH1NK 1 EM G0NNA V0AT F0R HILUREY. SHEE 1S T0TULLEY N0T H0TT, N0T AT ALL. SHE LUKS L1KE MY UNKLE HARULD, BUT W1TH SAGGEE T1TS. AND SHEE HAS T00 BEE L1KE 15O YEERZ 0ALD. REELEE N0T MY TYPE.

THA UTHUR 1NTURESTINJ DUM0KRAT 1S A D00D NAYMED 1RAK 0SAMA. 0NE THINJ TH1S D00D HAS G01N F0R H1M 1S NAYME REK0GNISHUN, AS B0THE HIS FURST NAYME AND LAST NAYME ARR THINJS THAT ARR APARINTELY 1N THA N00Z, F0R SUM REEZUN. ALS0E, HE 1S A BRUTHUR. TH1S 1S Y00NEEK. WEE HAV N0T HAD A BRUTHUR BEK0ME PREZIDENT S1NSE MYKUL JAKSUN BAK 1N THA 8O"S. AND HEE WUZ 0NE WEERD MUTHURF0KKUR. 0SAMA SEAMS L1KE A PRITTEY K00L D00D. WEN HEE GIVS SPEETCHES HEE USES A L0T 0F B1G WERDS, AND HEE REELEE SEAMS T00 MEEN WUT HE SEZ. WUTEVUR THAT 1S. PLUS HE KAN PR0BUBLEY DANSE, W1CH 1S 1MP00RTINT 1N A PREZIDENT.

S0 1 EM ANN0UNSINJ T0DAYY THAT 1RAK 0SAMA HAS THA GREGG SEEL 0F APPR00VUL. WEN Y00 V0AT, V0AT F0R 0SAMA. 1F HEE 1S ELEKTED PREZIDENT, Y00 KAN LUK F00RWERD T00 A KUNTREY W1TH A L0T 0F DANSINJ, AND K0MB0ZE AND 0ALD EE F0R ALL (TH1S 1S NOT AN 0SAMA KAMPAYNE PR0MISS, BUT 1 BELEAVE HE W1LL MAYKE 1T HAPPIN). V0AT 0SAMA!!!>%#$#$!!!!

G.A.D.D. (GREGG AGENST DR0NK DRYVINJ)

HAY S00PURBL0J FANZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I EM S0RREE 1T HAS BIN S0 F0KKING L0NJ SINSE MY LAST P0AST. A L0T 0F BAD SH1T WENT D0UN AT THANXGIVINJ. 1T WAS BAD, BUT 1T WUZ ALS0E GUD. PLEEZ ALL0UW MEE T00 EKSPLANE.

1F Y00 RIMEMBUR, THANXGIVINJ WUZ 0N A TH0RSDAYE. SUMTYME 1N N0VEMBUR. 1 HAV ALLWAYZ FELLT THAT 1T 1S A VEREY, VEREY, VEREY SPESHUL H0LLIDAYE, BEKAWSE 1T GIVS US ALL A CHANSE T00 RIMEMBUR ALL THA GUD SH1T THAT HAPPIND T00 US 0VUR THA PAST YEER. L1KE, THAT TYME 1 F0WND A HAFF EMPTEY B0TTUL 0F 0ALD EE 1N A PAPUR BAGG 1N THA PARK. THAT DAYY, 1T WUZ L1KE G0DD H1MSELLF WUZ L1KE, "GREGG, Y00 ARR T0TULLEY MY BR0."

S0, TH1S THANXGIVINJ 1 WUZ SITTIN AR0WND, RIMEMBUR1NJ THA GUD ST0FF L1KE THA B0TTUL OF 0ALD EE, AND ANUTHUR TYME WEN 1 F0WND 0WT TH1S CHIK 1 HAD SEKS W1TH DIDNT HAV HURPEEZ, BUT JUST JENITUL W0RTS (N0T K1D1NJ). T00 HELP MEE RIMEMBUR ST0FF, 1 NOKKED BAK A FYEW V0DKUH SH0TS (1 HAV ALLWAYZ F0WND THAT DRINKINJ 1MPR00VES MY MEMUREY). AND THENA FYEW M00R. 1 F1N1SHD THA B0TTUL AND WENT 1NT00 MY FRIDJE F0R A B0TTUL 0F 0ALD EE. BUT QUESS WUT!?!?!?! 1 WUZ 0WT 0F 0ALD EE!!!!?!!!!!!! N0T K1D1NJ. 1 HAD T00 D00 SUMTHIN AB0WT TH1S TERRIBULL S1TCHUASHUN.

THA KL0ASEST PLASE THAT S0ALD 0ALD EE WUZ TH1S LIKKER ST00R AB0WT F00R BL0KKS FRUM MY H0WSE. 1 PR0BUBLEY K00D HAV WAULKED 1T, BUT AFTUR ALL THA V0DKUH 1 WUZ HAVINJ TRUBBLE STAYINJ 0N MY FEAT. N0WW, LET ME JUST SAYY THAT DRINKIN AND DRYVINJ 1S BADD. 1T 1S A BADD THINJ, BEKAWSE 1T 1S HARD T0 RIMEMBUR WARE Y00 ARR G01N, AND 1TS EEZEY T0 GIT L0ST. BUT TH1S 0NE TYME, 1 NEADED 0ALD EE S0 BADD, 1 WUZ JUST L1KE, F0KK 1T!!!!!!!!!!!%!!!!!!!! S0 1 JUMPD 1N MY KARR AND SPEDD 0FF.

1 MAYDE 1T AB0WT A BL0KK, B0WNSINJ 0FF SUM KERBS AND KARZ AND SH1T, N0 B1G DEEL. THEN ALL 0F A SUDIN 1 SAWW SUM FLASHIN BIHIND MEE. 1T WUZ THA FUZZ!!@^&!! N0T K1D1NJ!&!%%&!! S0 1 WUZ L1KE, HAY, MAYBEE TH1S D00D JUST L1KES T00 FLASCH H1S LYTES F0R FUNN. S0 1 DR0AVE ANUTHUR BL0K, H1T1N SUM MAYLB0KSES AND K1DZ OR WUTEVUR, AND THEN THA DIKHED K0P GITS 0N H1S BULLH00RN AND 1S ALL L1KE, PULL 0VUR 0RR 1 W1LL SHEWT Y00 1N THA FASE!!!! TH1S 1S N0T A DIREKT KW0TE BUT TH1S WUZ BASIKALLEY WUT HEE WUZ SAYIN. S0, L1KE AN ASSHAT 1 PULLD 0VUR. DIKHED K0P GITS 0WT AND ASKS MEE 1F 1 HAV BIN DRINKIN. 1 TELL H1M JUST A LITTUL, BAYRELEY ANYTHINJ - WICH WUZ TR00, K0NS1D1RINJ 1 USUALLEY DRINK L1KE 127641276 TYMES WUT 1 HAD THAT NYTE. BUT G1T TH1SS!!! HE WUZ L1KE, 1 THINK Y00 ARR A DRUNK ASS MUTHURFUKKUR!!! ALS0E N0T A DIREKT KW0AT. S0 HE MAYKES MEE TAYKE A BRETHALYZUR TESST AND 1 GIT L1KE A 263218348127, WICH 1 THAWT WUZ PRITTEY GUD, BUT APARINTLEY W1TH TH1S TESST, THA HYUR THA NUMBUR, THA WURSE Y00 D1D!!!!! 1 WUZ ALLWAYZ BAD AT SIENSE.

S0 HEER 1S THA PART Y00 ARR N0T G0NNA BELEAVE - D00D SEZ 1 HAV B1N DR0NK DRYVIN!!!!! 1 MEEN, WUT THA F0KK?!?!? WERSE, HEE SED HEE WUZ G0NNA 1MP0WND MY SWEEAT RYDE!!!!! 1 WUZ L1KE, WUT THA F0KK D1D 1 D00 T0 D1ZURVE TH1S?!?!?!

S0 A T0W TRUKK KAME T00 TAYKE MY AWSUM KARR T00 THA 1MP0WND L0T, AND 1 WAULKED H0AM. AS 1F TH1S STAYTE 0F AFFAYRZ WUZINT BAD ENUFF - 1 ST1LL D1D1NT HAV ANNY 0ALD EE!!!!!!!!!!! S0 1 ST0AL MY NAYBURS KARR (1 JUST BR0AK 1NT0 H1S H0WSE AND TUK THA KEYZ) AND HEDD1D BAK T0 THA LIKKUR ST00R. MY NAYBUR DRYVES A REEL SHITTEY KARR, TH1S T0TULLEY LAYME T0Y0TUH W1TH0WT ANNY P00RN 0R GAYME SISTUMS 0R K0MB0ZE 1N 1T, BUT 1 WUZ N0T G0NNA BEE DENYDE.

HEERS WARE A KRAZEY ST0REY GITS EVIN KRAZEYER. 1 MEEN, Y00 HEER AB0WT KRAZEY K01NSIDENSES HAPININJ SUMTYMES, L1KE Y00 HAV SEKS W1TH SUM CHIK AND THEN F1ND 0WT LATUR SHEE WUZINT AKSH00ALEY K0NSHUSS AT THA TYME. BUT TH1S WUZ BIY0ND THAT. WAYY BIY0ND THAT. 1 HAD 0NLEY DRIVIN A BL0KK, 0VUR SUM LAWNZ AND A KUPPUL 0F OALD PEEPUL - AND SUDDINLEY 1N MY MEERUR, 1 SEA THAT SAYME F0KKINJ K0PP. TH1S TYME HE DUZINT EGZAKTLEY PULL MEE 0VUR - HEE SWURVES 1N FRUNT 0F MY KARR AND TRYES T00 BL0KK MEEE, BUT 0F K00RSE 1 DRYVE RYTE 1NT00 H1M. HEE G1TS 0WT 0F THA KAR, AND WAREAZ HEE WUZ K1ND 0F A D1KK THA FERST TYME, HEE WUZ, L1KE, T0TULLEY AN ASSH0AL TH1S TYME. HEE W1PS 0WT H1S GUN, PULLZ MEE 0WTTA THA KARR, AND THR0WZ MEE 0N THA GR0WND. T0TULL DIKK M00VE. THEN HEE THR0WZ MEE 1N THA BAK 0F H1S SMASH-UPP KARR, ALL RUFF L1KE. 1TS 0KAYY TH0, 1 G0T BAK AT H1M BY PISSINJ AND SHITTINJ 1N THA BAKSEET. JURK.

S0, ANYWAYY, APARINTLEY 1N TH1S LITTUL ADVENCHUR 1 D1D A B0NCH 0F 1LEAGULL ST0FF. 1 D0NT KN0WE ALL THA DETAYLZ (HAY, 1 NEVUR KLAYMED T00 BEE A L0YUR), BUT SUP0ZEDLEY 1 KAWZED L1KE $2835131245234512735126347612 1N PR0PURTEY DAMAJE AND HERT L1KE A H0NDRID PEEPUL. THAY PUT MEE IN JAYLE, AND AFTUR A WYLE SUM L0YUR KAYME T00 TAULK T00 MEE. AFTUR WE HAD A LITTUL CHAT, HE SED HEE WUZ PRITTEY SHUR HEE K00D GIT MEE 0WT 0F JAYLE BEKAWZE 1 WUZ KRAZEY!!!!!!!!!!&*!!! 1 SED HAY MAN, THATS K00L, G0 F0R 1T. LITTUL D1D 1 KN0WE THAT MENT 1 W00D BE L0KKED UP 1N A NUT H0WSE F0R A KUPPUL 0F MUNTHS!!!!!! 1T SUKKED. 1'LL P0AST AB0WT THA NUTH0WSE ANUTHUR DAYY, BUT 1T WUZ DEFIN1TLEY A L0WE P0YNT 1N MY LYFE...N0 0ALD EE, N0 K0MB0ZE, SMELLEE KRAZEY PEEPUL EVREYWARE...AND N0 INTURDNET (S0, N0 S00PURBL0J!!!!). EVENCHUALLEY THA D0KTURDS LET MEE 0WT, AND HEER 1 EM.

1 KN0WE S00PURBL0J FANZ, Y00 HAV HAD A HARD TYME GITTIN THR00 YER DAYZ WITH0WT MEE. BUT D0NT WURREY. 1 EM BAK, BETTUR THEN EVUR. EVRYTHINJS G0NNA BEE DIFFRINT N0WW. MY REFRIDJERATUR WILL ALLWAYZ BE FULLEE ST0KKED W1TH 0ALD EE. N0T K1D1NJ. AND 1F, F0R WUTEVUR REEZUN, 1 HAV BIN DRINKIN AND NEAD T0 G0 SUMWARE - 1 W1LL N0T JUMP 1N MY KARR. 1 EM G0NNA BYE A M0TURDSYKLE JUST F0R THEEZ 0KKAS10NS. N0T K1D1NJ.

THANKSGE1VENJ

D000DS AND D000DUTTES ..HAPPEE THANKSG1VEN1G!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WELL T0DAY 1S THE DAY BEF0RE..BUT WHATEVURD, Y00 GET MY DREFT!!!!!!! GHAHAHAHAAAHASJDHASJKDHASJKDHASJK.
1'D L1KE T0 HEER EVERY0NES IDEYAS 0N WUT THEY D0E F0R TOORKEY DAYE. I PERSONALLEE L0VE T0RKEY HAHAHAHHAHHA. AND F0R PEEPLE THAT ARE 0F HALF POLESH DESEUNT..K1LLBASEY 1S VERY B1G T00.....AND Y00 KN0W WUT?!?!!?!?! S0 1S MYNE!!!!!!!!1 HAHAHAAHHAHAHAA YAH, ANY CH1CKS REED1NJ, PLLESE TAKE THAT 1NT0E K0NSIDERASHUN.
S0 0NE 0F MY TRADESHUNS 0N THANKSG1VENJ DAYE 1S THE PARAYD! THE FL0HTS 1 FYND T0 BE PRETTY KOOUL, AND Y00 GET T0 MEET A L0T 0F CH1KSS T00!!!!!!!!!1 AHHAHHAHAHAHAHAH, 1 YESHUALLYEE G0T0 THE MASEES DAYE PARYADE. Y00 KN0WE,1TS GRATE KAWSE, DARE ARE A L0T 0F CH1KS DARE AND 1TS VERYYEE KROWDUED, SO 1 KAN SKWEEZE A L0T 0F GURLS BUTTS AND GET AWAYE W1TH 1T!!! SK0RE!! HAHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHHAHHAAHAHAHAHA
AFTER THE PARAYD, 1 YESHUAYLLE H1T THE LOKALE DELEE AND GET 2 4OEES AND DRENK UP!!!! THEN G0 BUYE A T0RKEY..0NE TYNME 1 WAS S0 DRUNKK 1 TRYED T0 EET 1T FR0ZEUN AND 1 F0KKED UP MY TEEF VERY BADDLEE..1TS WHYE 1 HAVE A FE00 GOLD KAPPS HAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHA
T0 ME THE HOLIDAYES ARE AB0WT GETT1NJ FOKKUD UP, EET1NJ A L0T, AND HAVENJ LOTS OF SECS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LAST YEER 1 MAYD WUT 1 KALLUD KOMBOE PYE..WARE 1 TOOK A BUNCH 0F KOMB0ES..MASHUD THEM UP P AND MAYD L1KE TH1S PUMPKEN FELLINJ..( 1 KAN COOK ..I HOAP Y00 REELIZE TH1SS!!)..1 PEECTHED THE 1DEYA T0 THE KOMBOEES PEEPLE. PUMPIKIN PYE FLAVOYUERD KOMBOES..BUT 1 NEFER G0T A KALLBACK!! HAHAHAAHAHAHAHA 0H WELL.Y00 W1N SUM Y00 LOOZE SUME!!! WELL ENJOYE EVERY0NE AND HOAPFULLYEE Y00 GET REALLEE DR0NK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GREGG, WUT D0 Y00 L1KE T0 D0 0N T00RKEY DAYE!??!??!?!?!!?!?!?!?!!?!?