M1KS0L0JEY 8O1

1 KUNSIDUR MYESELLF AN AMACHUR M1KS0L0J1ST. THAT 1S A BIG WERD WICH JUST MEENZ 1 L1KE T0 GIT F0KKED UP REEL GUD. MY MAYN G0LE 1S T0 MAYKE DRINX THAT GIT ME AS F0KKED UP AS P0SSIBULL, AS FASST AS P0SSIBULL. SIRIUSLEY, TH1S 1S MY 0NLEY G0AL, AND 1 EM PRITTEY GUD AT IT. I D0NT KARE 1F THA ST0FF TAYSTES L1KE DAWG P1SS, AS L0NJ AS 1T MAYKES MEE S00PUR DR0NK S00PUR FASST.

S0, 1 W1LL GIV Y00 A FYEW 0F MY SPESHUL DRINKK RESIPEEZ. 1F Y00 KAN GIT A DAYTE WIT A CHIKK, AND MAYKE SUM 0F THEEZ DR1NX W1T MY SPESHUL MEET PYE, HUR PANTS W1LL FLYE RYTE 0FF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! N0T K1D1NJ.

A) J00W1SH KAR B0MM - M1KS 0NE B0TTUL 0F BAYLEYS 1R1SH KREEM W1T 0NE B0TTUL 0F MANISHEV1TS WYNE. TH1S DRINKK 1S A LITTUL SWEET AND FR00TEY, S0 CHIXS REELEE D1GG 1T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

8) MAMMA'S CHIKK1N S00P - TH1S 1S WUT MY MAMMA W00D GIV MEE T00 DRINKK AT NYTE SUMTYMES WEN 1 K00DINT SLEAP. M1KS 0NE KUPP CAMBULLS CH1KK1N W1T STARZ S00P W1TH 0NE CUPP V0DKUH. 1 L1KE THA K1ND THAT K0MES 1N A PLASST1K JUGG. S0 D1D MAMMA. PLEEZ N0AT: TH1S RESIPPEE DUZINT WERK W1T ANNY UTHUR K1ND 0F S00P. S1R1USLEY.

8) DR0NKSIKLES - TH1S 1S1NT REELEE A DR1NK EGZAKTLEY, 1T 1S M00R L1KE A TASTEY FR0Z1N SNAKK, BUT 1T W1LL GIT Y00 PRITTEY F0KKED UPP. TAYKE A B1GG BAGG 0F K0MB0ZE - ANY FLAVUR EKSEPT KRAKKUR, BEKAWSE TH0ZE SUKK SKWIRRUL NUTZ. 0P1N 0NE END 0F THA BAGG. BANJ 0N THA BAGG W1T A HAMMUR, 0R YER F1ST, 0R YER WANJ, WUTEVUR'S HANDEY - JUSST BRRAKE THA K0MBOZE UP 1NT00 LITTUL PEESES. BUT D0NT BUST THA BAGG, AND D0NT LET THA K0MB0E PEESES FALL 0WT. N0WW P00R A B0TTUL 0F LIKKUR 1NT0 THA BAGG. HEERS WARE Y00 KAN REELEE PURS0NALYZE THA RESIPEE - Y00 KAN USE V0DKU, 0R J1N, 0R RUMM, 0R SK0CH, 0R BURBUN...WUTEVUR Y00 L1KE, AS L0NJ AS 1TS STR0NJ AS BAWLZ. 1 L1KE KAPTIN M0RJ1N'S MYESELLF; 1 TH1NK 1T G0ES REEL N1SE W1T THA TANJ 0F NATCH0E CHEEZ K0MB0ZE. ANNWAYY - AFTUR Y00 P00R YER LIKKUR 1NT0 THA BAGG, PUT A STIKK IN THARE, AND KAYREFULLEY PLASE 1T 1NT0 YER FREEZUR. WAYTE A FYEW H0WRS 0R DAYZ 0R WUTEVUR. PULL 1T 0WT, TAYRE 0FF THA BAGG, AND EET 1T L1KE A HY00J P0PSIKLE. 1TS SIRIUSLY GUD SH1T. BENN AND JERREY - 1F YER REEDINJ TH1S, D0NT STEAL MY IDEYA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! N0T K1D1NJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 0R 1 W1LL T0TULELY S00 THA SH1T 0WT 0F Y00, Y00 M0THURF0KKURZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I) 0LD FUKKL1SH - TAYKE A B0TTUL 0F 0LD EE. DR1NK L1KE HAF 0F 1T. F1LL THA B0TTUL BAKK UP W1T EVURKLEER, 0RR M00NSHYNE, 0R WUTEVUR K1ND 0F GRAYNE ALK0H0LL Y00VE G0T HANDEEY. 0R RUBINJ ALK0H0L, 0RR HAND SAN1T1ZUR. WUTEVUR. SHAYKE. SURVE.

4) THA 0LD EE-MURJENSEY R00M - TH1S 1S SIMULUR T0 THA 0LD FUKKLISH, W1TH A LITTUL TW1ST. TAYKE A B0TTUL 0F 0LD EE. DRINKK HAFF 0F 1T. F1LL THA B0TTUL BAKK UP W1T FURNITCHUR P0L1SH, 0R DRAYN0E, 0RR LYTUR FL001D - 0R A K0MB1NASHUN. STUR AND SURVE. 1 GAYVE 1T THA NAYME 0LD EE-MURJENSEY R00M BEKAWSE THATS USUALLEY WARE 1 END UP WEN 1 MAYKE TH1SS. BUT D00D, THA BUZZ 1S KILLUR. N0T K1D1NJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1 H0AP Y00 HAV 1NJ0YYD MY DRINKK RES1PEEZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEEZ SHAYRE YER FAYV0RIT DRINKK RESIPPEEZ W1T MEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!